Every evening you break my heart and every morning I am reborn, only to miss you once more. This violent delight will be my violent end as I whisper to the silence of the eternal inferno, I love you.
That's what was running through my head this morning as I looked at the pictures of him with someone else. Is that how he feels when he knows that I'm not kissing the lips I am missing? Is it wrong that I want him to feel like this? Also, I don't understand why she's treating him like this. If they broke up(and this is only to the extent of my knowledge) because of the way she was acting and treating him, continuing to act as though you're together and doing the same behaviors that pushed him away, wont help. And who knows, he could be texting her sweet nothings and telling her that he loves her. It's cynical and heartbreaking but I wouldn't be surprised. I feel lied to and am not afraid to say it. I wish I could say that he was only treating me this way because he wants me to sleep with me. But I can't. And it's no longer for the noble reason that I trust him. Instead I think I'm in the twisted little game of his. I feel like a toy. Something that he can go to if there's nothing else, but only if he's entirely bored with the rest of the world. Which isn't okay. But I let him. At least I know it's not okay. Admit, acknowledge, recover?
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference.
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